My Trial By Erosion Of Words

Part 1

I’ll just jump right into it…

I was watching Community and I went to the kitchen to get something to eat when I heard something rummaging around. I knew what it was. The house I live in is old and our basement has rat droppings around, but I refuse to believe that they come out… Or that they’re gone.

At the very least I expect them to stay in the basement. But this rat had other ideas.

I looked over and there it was.

This rat was huge. It had to be at least nine inches. It may as well have been a bobcat. 

And it charged me….. So what do I do?

I ran away like the “big scaredy” that I am. I ran up about three steps to get to higher ground and figured I would scan the area to see if it was still chasing me.

It wasn’t. After about five minutes or so I figured I would go investigate to see where it was….. Actually, I lied, I needed to turn the oven off so I wouldn’t burn the house down. I figured I’d rather get AIDs from a rat bite than burn my house down.

Anyway, the rat was nowhere to be found. It is at this point that I decided that it. was. on. I was going to catch this rat.

I needed a weapon though. We have a squirrel hunting stick (it’s the South) and I had am arrow that I broke from archery class which I kept as a souvenir for my great marksmanship with cheap arrows…. But I digress.

I transformed the squirrel hunting stick and the broken arrow into a rat hunting stick which you can view here. It was at this time my roommates came home and as we searched the area, we decided that the rat had gone back down to the basement.

Here is where I’m going to pause the story: First of all that rat doesn’t pay rent, so it needs to get the hell out of my house. Second of all, it can climb stairs. Thanks rat, because I didn’t want to sleep ever again.

Anyway, we go down to the basement, don’t find anything, but now we have rat traps out to catch it.

I hope that the rat trap only injures it though.

I want another shot at this rat. It humiliated me by causing me to run up the stairs because it was chasing me.

I’ll update you tomorrow on whether or not the rat shows up. For all I know, it’s still in the main level of the house waiting for me to reappear so it can attack me again.